Singing Back

Carter McKenzie

The numerically lessened Kalapuyans were by 1840 a trivial annoyance to settlers who took their lands and employed them as laborers but did not preserve for them any of their traditional homelands for their villages or for their resources needs. By 1851 there was no land in the Willamette Valley unclaimed by American settlers, who also called for the removal or genocide of all Indian peoples.

—David G. Lewis PhD, from Quartux: Journal of Critical Indigenous Anthropology

from beneath the ground

roots and quartz

fragments

glinting

water carrying

all it knows

from the mountains

*

the world 

has ended before

what first people

ever here

among them

Kalapuyans

know

over fourteen thousand years

over a million acres

their making 

a fecund valley

*

I had not known

of the Trail of Tears here

I had not known 

of the people 

forced to cede their lands

263 miles over rough terrain

a journey of 33 days

untold deaths

in the cold early year of 1856

“dimensions of suffering and tragedy”

I had not known

*

and this neighboring

valley 

and foothills, 

where I live, original place

of the Molalla Mountain tribe

I had not known

the valley settler-named, Lost

after settler catastrophe

the wagon train 

subject to myth

of a shortcut 

over the mountains

*

to think of what it is not to know

you are lost 

the ignorance of that

*

negative spaces

*

my own history of whiteness

how I know I can’t see

what I will keep trying to see

*

slope and trees

against the eastern sky

through the window

each and every 

morning

singing back

a kind of prayer 

*

who lived here

*

for twenty-eight years

over half my life

the well has filled

with water

from these mountains

generous

*

and last night’s

sudden

presence

a Great Horned Owl

calling from high branches

as I opened the door

a resonance

alive 

within 

*

the owl

a depth

from the chamber

of the owl

echoing 

the whole night sky

I felt

lifting up

*

the heave of wings

the owl veering off

to a further branch

bulky

shadow

swaying the bough

and from the woods

a kindred owl

calling back

*

through darkness

traveling

*

this 

listening

instinct

in late October

after rains

long waited for

*

a recognition

repeating 

*

waves

of sound

met

being

owned by no one

*

I don’t know 

how much time

we have left

the water

filling the well

despite

*

parched 

ground

fissured

until

these autumn rains

*

despite 

the plagues

of abuses

*

Beloved 

you can’t know

*

what you are surviving

*

what we have done

or not

*

how much time

for gathering

we don’t know

we might have

*

vessels of sound

a kind of prayer 

out of the negative spaces

being

*

here

for as long as it takes

*

for as long as it takes

*

being

unexpected

body of remembering

curving the sphere

still

singing back

*